Originally Posted by xeroin

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."

Dude I love this one so much lmao. Laughed so hard when I saw it on reddit a while back...






What's the difference between a pick-pocketer and a peeping tom?

One snatches watches, the other watches snatches

Man walks into a surgery and punches the doctor. 'what the f**k do you think your doing telling my wife her pussy is nice?!' Doctor says ' I didnt ... I told her she had acute angina ...'

Ever notice how so many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender?
1) MENstruation 2) MENopause 3) MENtal breakdown 4) GUYnecology 5) HIMmorrhoids...

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"Johnny said, "Yes.""Well, what did the principal say?""He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number ..."

Three girls are at work, and their female boss is leaving early for the day. The brunette also suggests to leave early as there boss will not notice. So that afternoon, they all leave early.
One spends time with her son and enjoys her time off.The redhead does her gardening and has an early night.The blonde goes home and hears sounds in her bedroom, she walks upstairs quietly open her bedroom door and finds her boss in bed with her hubby, shuts the door and leaves the house.On next day, the brunette goes on asking: "Shall we leave early again today?" The blonde says: "No way I nearly got caught!

I asked my wife: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"She said: "Somewhere I have never been!"I told her: "How about the kitchen?"

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.
However, a little voice in his head said Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients, ... so it's not like you're the first ...This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, but then again ... they probably weren't veterinarians ...

A cowboy from Montana and a cowboy from California are on a sheep drive. They have been out for weeks and have been pulling sheep out of the mud and working really hard. Eventually they come across a sheep with her head stuck in the fence.
They are both very lonely, so the cowboy from Montana says "I'm first!" and he drops his pants and mounts the sheep. When he is finished, he steps back, looks at the California cowboy, and says "You're next".The California cowboy drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

A very logical and somewhat cold calculating professor of mathematics sent this fax to his wife:
Dear Wife,You must realize that now you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.Your Husband,Professor Malone When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: Dear Husband,You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.Your Wife.

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."