Need to bookmark this topic. Bring on the heat, guys. Post some good ones, I need some fire.

Joke of the Day -

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm out shopping, and I've found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "£1,000? Why not? Go ahead and buy it, if you like it that much."

"WOMAN: "Well, whilst I'm on the phone, I stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
"MAN: "How much?
"WOMAN: "£85,000."
"MAN: "£85,000? OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make them an offer, but only offer £900,000."
"WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
"MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up and sees that the other men in the changing room are looking at him in astonishment.

He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows whose phone this is?"

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you."

“A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next several months, he saw her doing this often. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning differently. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, and started stroking himself, moaning, "I need a bike! I need a bike!”

“A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you stick your little finger in it, wiggle it around, and then pull it out, which feels better—your ear or your finger?

“A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake in the living room?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!”

Joke of the Day -

An Engineer Having No Child, No Money, No Home, Blind Mother, Prays To God.

God Says He Will Grant Him One Wish!

Engineer: “I Want My Mother To See My Wife Putting Diamond Bangles On My Child’s Hands, In Our New Bunglow”

God: “Damn! I Still Have A Lot To Learn From These Engineers”

Engineers Always Rock!

A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram.
He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says: "Are you my daddy?"The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram.The baby says again: "Are you my daddy?"The doctor says: "No, I'm not your father."They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked: "Are you my daddy?"And the father says: "Yes, I am!"So, the baby pops out of the mother's womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head while saying: "How do you like that?! How do you like that?!"

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"
"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered."Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven."Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more."For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"