Joke Of The Day

Hi Friends

I'm starting this thread to share joke I find funny to share with you all.

If you also have some joke kindly share in reply.

Just one rule - One joke per day per member - Just to avoid spamming. (I will follow same. I will reply to any reply another day below that day Joke)

It simple. So Smile Please.


Joke Of The Day -

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

lmfao!!!!!!
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"
She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

A man is sitting next to a woman who’s trying to breast-feed her baby in a bus.

The baby refuses to be breast fed and the mother warns: “If you don’t drink, I shall give It to the uncle next to me”.

The baby still refuses.

After about 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat.

The man clears his throat and says: “Look, madam, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off six stops back“

A guy ask one of his friend, do you usually speak to your wife after having sex ?

The guy replies, it depends if I have a phone nearby.

What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

Donald Trump's tie

His wife was in ICU.
Doctor's did their best but
she was not responding.
Doctor said, we are sorry.
Everything is in God's hand
now.
Husband was inconsolable.
He kept saying, "She is
hardly 40"
An almost inaudible voice
from wife's bed said, "37".

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"


Thanks for contribuation -
@raynrach15, @kuho, @bonbon, @Skoldow, @cloudkicker

Why did the little ink drop start to cry?

His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.

- - - Updated - - -

A dwarf with a speech impediment goes into a stud farm, 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm. 'What sort of horse?' said the owner. 'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her eyeth?' So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nithe eyeth.', says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her teeth?' Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. Nithe teeth.... Can I see her eerth?' the dwarf says. The owner is getting fed up but again picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. 'Nithe eerth.' He says, 'Now...can I see her twot?' The owner, not sure if he heard correctly, replies 'Her what?' 'Twot, can I see her twot,' the dwarf says. The owner losing his patience picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that. Can I see her wun awound?'

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."