Yours erotically, the MCG

Starc hat-trick ball to Root will perhaps go down as the most replayed non-wicket-taking delivery at the MCG. ©Getty
It is likely that you've already come across this vulgar reference on your social media timeline by now. But to be honest, it was indeed fast bowling porn that we witnessed over the last 45 minutes of Day 2, in front of the heaving, pulsating stands around the mighty MCG. Despite the brutally uncensored nature of the Australian pace duo's domination of the English batters though, this was more softcore porn, where the narrative matters as much as the action itself. Nothing summed it up better than the fact that a ball that missed the bat created the most unadulterated excitement and ecstasy around the ground.

It was understandable though, considering the moment and the setting. This was the hat-trick ball with Joe Root on strike. This was Mitchell Starc steaming in with the wind and thousands of screaming Australians behind his back. This was the spearhead of the Australian attack about to execute the final act of a dramatic trilogy that he'd set in motion by packing off Zak Crawley and Dawid Malan with his previous two deliveries. How the seats thudded, and the voices rose in unison as Starc approached his delivery stride.

Rarely have 42,000 plus people lived, breathed and exhaled a delivery that flew past the outside-edge into the wicket-keeper's gloves with more intensity. And apart from the obvious relief of having missed it, Root would have felt every bit of the collective energy from every non-Englishman present at the MCG coming his way too. As incredible as it was to be a part of it in the flesh, it was also one that you'd want to watch and savour in private a bit later.

That could be said of the entire 12-over burst from Starc and Pat Cummins, followed up by Scott Boland, who created his own Boxing Day Test moment with the double-strike in the penultimate over of the day. It was one of those evenings when the MCG turns into the 'G, the most electrifying venue in world cricket. It was building up right through the day and especially from the start of the final session when the Australian tail was putting on crucial partnerships.

There were plenty of nominees between 5.20 and 6.30 pm Melbourne time on Monday (December 27) for the moment that encapsulated the drama of the evening. The first delivery from Cummins to Haseeb Hameed that nearly took his head with it. The time that the Australian captain had Crawley nicking after having beaten his bat on numerous occasions. The angling deliveries from Starc that took the edge of Root's bat and fell short of the slip cordon. The Boland delivery to get Hameed out. The fantastic response from the Bay 13 regulars when their hometown hero walked towards them after his successful over. Or for that matter even Root picking up a rogue newspaper that had flown on to the centre of the MCG along with all the other debris circling around and discussing the crossword with umpire Paul Reiffel amidst the melee he was caught up in.

It was an unforgettable last hour at the MCG
It was an unforgettable last hour at the MCG ©Getty
But they all paled in comparison to the Starc hat-trick that wasn't to be. It'll perhaps go down as the non-wicket-taking delivery that gets replayed the most in years to come at the MCG.

The tone for this Woodstock of fast bowling at the MCG though was aptly set up earlier in the day by James Anderson, the man who continues to produce magic with every note he plays with a cricket ball. It is up to you the reader to decide whether he is the Robert Plant of his artform, beguiling and charming the batter and the viewer into his spell, or the Eric Clapton who captures your heart and your soul with his ageless mystique. Maybe he's both rolled into one and a lot more.

There are times in the England nets after he's inevitably got the better of one of his teammates, where Anderson would inform the hapless batter how he'd done so. You'll hear him go, "wobble seam" or "scrambled seam" based on what the ball has done post pitching. But often, he just turns around with that disarming smile and starts walking back, almost ignoring his teammate's vexed queries of "What was that Jimmy? Wobble? Scramble? Just your magic?" It's like the 39-year-old's rather polite way of saying, well that's just me doing Jimmy Anderson things.

He certainly did plenty of those on an MCG pitch that had a bit on offer for him spell after spell on Monday. It was in many ways the final chance for England to make any progress towards keeping the Ashes alive for one more day at least. Not surprisingly Root kept turning to England's greatest ever weapon with the ball for inspiration. And Anderson did not disappoint. Unlike the head-banging nature of the fast-bowling exhibition that Starc and Cummins would put on later in the day, this was more classical. A little nip here, a little seam there, and a lot of subtle wizardry, all based around relentless accuracy. Like the setup of Steve Smith for example. The way he managed to sneak one on to the inside-edge and on to his stumps after having teased the outside-edge for a few deliveries. Not to forget the tireless working over that he gave Marcus Harris across two sessions and multiple spells from around the wicket, before finally getting one to straighten off the angle just enough to catch the well-set left-hander's flirty outside-edge.

There were innumerable other plays and near misses through the day as Anderson showed one more time why world cricket needs to roll him in cotton wool and make sure he's allowed to go on for much longer than he already has.

But then came the carnage as the MCG turned it on like it does ever so often to live up to its moniker of being the theatre of dreams.

It would take for Root to turn it on one more time during a calendar year - that has been dominated by his bat - to give England any chance of keeping the interest alive in this series. And how apt it was when the England captain stood all by himself in the middle of the MCG cauldron, waiting endlessly it seemed for Ben Stokes to join him, a lone champion waging a lone battle against the ever-growing might of the old enemy. It was an image that summed up the summer.