The Worst Things That Could Happen On The Game Of Thrones Finale

As Game of Thrones moves farther away from the source material of George R. R. Martin’s books, the plot is going in some interesting directions. Lots of people are frustrated by last week’s bizarre “kidnap a zombie” strategy, and we have some serious reservations going into Sunday’s extra-length finale. It really seems like the showrunners are going for big shock moments right now, and we shudder to think what kind of insane stuff they’ll bust out.

You can read serious speculation about the Game of Thrones season finale pretty much everywhere on the Internet, but we don’t follow the crowds. Instead, we’re going to put on our pessimist hats and try to come up with the absolute most ridiculous, awful things that the show could pull. If even one of these things come to pass, we might be at the “jumping the shark” moment for this show. Let’s pull on our wizard hats and try to predict a future we don’t want to see.

The Dragons Mate

The Night King’s enlistment of the dragon Viserion into the army of the White Walkers definitely shifted the balance of power even more in his favor. And most people are expecting a massive showdown between Dany’s remaining two and their corrupted brother. But what if things take a turn… for the romantic? We haven’t really established the gender of any of the dragons, right? Maybe one of them is a girl, and instead of battling the two sides decide to get it on in mid-air in a massive explosion of draconic love. First, comes mating, then comes eggs, then comes a Westeros run by lizards.

Bran Is His Own Father

The hot fan theory circulating right now is that Bran Stark is actually the Night King. He used his bizarre ability to warp back in time to try and stop the White Walkers from being created, only to be trapped inside the form of the corrupted First Man. That’s… plausible, I guess, but why stop there? We’ve already established that Bran is a horny little devil, so what if he accidentally jumped back into Ned Stark’s body at the moment of his conception? Sure, there’s no plot reason for it, but it’d be nice to give Sean Bean another paycheck. He deserves it.

Cersei Bangs The Zombie

The intrigue about whether the White Walkers are a real threat to Westeros or not has been simmering all season, with Jon and crew launching their plan to bring one back to King’s Landing as proof. But who can say what’ll happen when Cersei Lannister gets her eyes on that frosty walking corpse? We’ve already seen her engage in the sin of incest with her brother Jamie, and there’s seemingly nothing she won’t do to hold power. What if instead of arming her people against the Night King, she just marries in?

Sansa Kills Arya

The tension between the surviving Stark daughters is so thick you could cut it with a knife – and in the last episode, Arya pretty much did. After Sansa discovered her bag of faces, Arya subtly implied that her sister’s mug could join them. Smart money’s on the two of them pulling a long con on Littlefinger, who is due some comeuppance, but if we want to think about the least satisfying possible outcome, it’d be Sansa siding with the manipulative bastard and ending her sister’s glorious path of revenge. That’s the only thing that would make viewers hate her character more.

Viserys Returns

The barrier between life and death is getting more and more porous every season in Westeros. And if the show really wanted to do a ridiculous shock plot twist, they’d somehow bring back Viserys Targaryen, Dany’s brother who got brutally murdered with a crown of gold back at the very beginning of this whole mess. The season started with Daenerys returning to Dragonstone, her family’s ancestral home, and family’s been a big theme for her. What a coup it would be for her total dick of a sibling to pop his shiny metal head back up with a little razzle-dazzle.

It’s All Happening In Westworld

“Cinematic Universes” are the new hotness in the entertainment world, so why not take this opportunity to establish the HBO Cinematic Universe. The entirety of Game Of Thrones is just a simulation in the Westworld theme park! All of the White Walkers are the missing people from The Leftovers. CGI Lena Dunham’s character from Girls into the White Wedding. Play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme every time Tyrion walks on screen.

It Was All A Dream

The classic cop-out for serialized TV that’s written itself into a corner, the “it was all a dream” reset allows producers to undo poor plot decisions, bring back fan favorite characters and generally squeeze a little more juice out of a lemon. We can see George R. R. Martin brought in to film awakening from slumber in a bed covered with bear skins and 20 sided dice, rubbing off the nightmare sweat and promising to never again eat pepperoni pizza before bed. The camera pans to a computer that hasn’t been turned on in six weeks, and we fade to black.

It’s Just A Dragon And A Wolf

Everybody’s expecting the title of the finale – “The Dragon And The Wolf” to refer to Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow finally hooking up. But what if, in a Rick & Morty-level troll, HBO just broadcasts a split-screen live feed from the San Diego Zoo of a Komodo dragon and an Arctic wolf in their respective enclosures for 80 minutes. It becomes the most illegally downloaded television program in the history of the Pirate Bay and HBO GO subscriptions skyrocket 440%.

Ed Sheeran Takes The Throne

Probably the most hotly argued moment of Season 7 was the appearance of British singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran at the fireside with Arya Stark in the premiere. The show has featured contemporary music before, but they’ve been smart enough to keep the performers off-screen. Sheeran’s cameo as a redheaded bard who sings the tune “Hands of Gold” seemed like a throwaway to give a special treat to actress Maisie Williams, but anything can happen on Game of Thrones. What if the smoke clears from the huge battle that’s coming and we fade in on Ed sitting on the Iron Throne for a huge musical Number?