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Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #1
    Freak On a Leash <3
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    Joke Thread

    Welcome to the TI joke thread! Feel free to take a moment from browsing the forums and have a laugh.

    Rules are simple!

    * NO race based jokes or racist comments

    * Adult humour is okay but keep it as clean as possible - not all members appreciate adult humour and/or TI may have younger members

    * Respect each other - not everyone shares the same humour that is OKAY! Scroll and donít troll if you donít like something





    @jimmy7 @The Night @masonos @YusukeUramesh can someone sticky this for me please?
    starrdust is F E M A L E... call me bro/dude and suffer the consequences


    Half a pound of heroin - Half a pound of treacle - That's the way the story goes.




  2. #2
    Freak On a Leash <3
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    A man goes up to his wife, pinches her bum cheeks saying.." you know, if you firmed these up a bit we could get rid of your bum tightening knickers ".

    He then pinches each breast and he says " & if you firmed these up too, we could get rid of your bras."

    So the wife turns around & grabs him by the D*ck and says.." well if you firmed this up a bit we could get rid of the Gardener, the postman & your brother! ".
    jimmy7, The Night, MusicX and 5 others like this.
    starrdust is F E M A L E... call me bro/dude and suffer the consequences


    Half a pound of heroin - Half a pound of treacle - That's the way the story goes.




  3. #3
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    A pirate captain sets sail with a green crew and a brand new first mate. A week out of port in dangerous waters he, his first mate and cabin boy are standing on deck overseeing the men working, when a call comes from the crow's nest, "Enemy ship on the horizon, heading straight for us!“

    The captain commands his crew to prepare for battle, then turns to his cabin boy and says,"Bring me my red shirt!“

    The captain fights bravely amoungst his crew, and they fight furiously and come out victorious without losing a single man.

    After the battle, the first mate approaches his captain and says," Captain, you fought like a demon and inspired the men to put their all into the fight. But, I gotta ask, what's the deal with the red shirt?"

    The captain, with a twinkle in his eye, responds, "I wear the red shirt so when I receive a wound in battle, the men don't see me bleeding and lose heart. They continue to fight on!“

    Impressed, the first mate is about to say something else when a call from the crow's nest interrupts him. "Enemy armada on the horizon, heading straight for us! I count 10 ships of the line!“

    Without skipping a beat, the captain calls out to his cabin boy, "Bring me my brown pants!"
    starrdust, Anarchy221 and kirill like this.

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    Freak On a Leash <3
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    Two elephants meet a totally naked guy.

    After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
    Anarchy221 and theDracoZy like this.
    starrdust is F E M A L E... call me bro/dude and suffer the consequences


    Half a pound of heroin - Half a pound of treacle - That's the way the story goes.




  5. #5
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    What Did the Pirate Say on His 80th Birthday?

    AYE MATEY
    Tassadar likes this.

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    I remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket.

    He said "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
    Tassadar likes this.

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    Omg :-d

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    At gynecologist, a scared lady

    Doctor, what a misfortune!... I played with the dildo and it stuck inside. What am I going to do? - Please lay here.
    After the doctor gives the examination, he says:
    Lady, I have two news for you, a good one and a bad one. Which should I tell you first? -
    Tell me the bad news first, says the lady.
    The bad news is that I couldn't get the dildo out.
    And the good news? -
    I managed to change the batteries.

  9. #9
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    Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are all working on a construction site, building a new skyscraper in London. It's lunchtime and they're all sat atop the building. Englishman opens up his lunchbox to see what his wife has packed him.

    "Ugh... Ham and cheese sandwich... again. Im fucking sick of ham and cheese sandwiches, it's the same every bloody day. If I get another ham and cheese sandwich in my lunch box tomorrow I'm jumping off the top of this building."

    Next, the Scotsman opens up his lunch box.

    "Aackk, jam sandwich... again. I cannee go on like this eating jam sandwiches every day of me life! If I get the same again tomorrow I'm jumping as well."

    Next it's the Irishman's turn.

    "Ohh for fecks sake! Not another egg and cress sandwich! That's the fourth one in a row this week! I'm with you boys, one more egg and cress sandwich and I'm jumping!"

    So next day they sit at the top of the building to have lunch. One by one they open up their lunch boxes... Englishman finds another ham and cheese sandwich, so off he jumps, and splats into the ground below. Scotsman finds another jam sandwich... Off he goes...Splat. Irishman, egg and cress sandwich... Splat.

    A week or so later later the three widows are talking at the memorial service. English widow says, through tears, "I still can't believe it, had no idea George hated ham and cheese so much, if only i'd known..."

    Scottish widow says "Duncan did say he was getting a bit bored of Jam, but I didn't realise he hated it that much, I just wish he'd have let me know how he really felt."

    Irish widow says "I... I just don't understand... Paddy packed his own lunch."
    Tassadar likes this.

  10. #10
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    Patient: Oh doctor, Iím just so nervous. This is my first operation. - Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.


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