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Thread: Joke Of The Day

  1. #121
    kuho
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    A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him "there is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the cake that my mother made for us."
    The husband said, "who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"
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  2. #122
    kuho
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    A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
    "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?""I was in bed.""What were you doing in bed this late?""Getting a second opinion!"
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  3. #123
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    Joke of the Day -

    Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

    1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2. The farm was used to produce produce.
    3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
    4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10. I did not object to the object.
    11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
    13. They were too close to the door to close it.
    14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
    15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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    DGM Says ! Be Busy Be Happy TI'ian. !

  4. #124
    kuho
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    There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs her.
    The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fucked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fucked."

  5. #125
    kuho
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    A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit of dirt then I'll eat all the dirt."
    The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

  6. #126
    kuho
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    What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
    They can both smell it but can't eat it.
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  7. #127
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    Joke of the Day -

    Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.
    Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
    Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!
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    DGM Says ! Be Busy Be Happy TI'ian. !

  8. #128
    kuho
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    A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, then gave him a broom and said,
    "Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly."Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
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  9. #129
    kuho
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    The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.
    The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:"Dear Friends, we didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But I swear by God Almighty, I'm going to kill whoever put novocaine in the condom!"
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  10. #130
    Alex9119
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    We are finally certain why the universe expands. It is trying to get as far away from Chuck Norris as possible.
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