CHILD abuse victim Leona O’Callaghan waived her right to anonymity so serial rapist Patrick “Whacker” O’Dea could be named after he was caged for 17 years at the Central Criminal Court today.

The 51-year-old beast, of Pike Avenue, Limerick, pleaded guilty on day two of his trial for sexual assault and rape on dates in 1994 and 1995.

The following is from Ms O’Callaghan’s victim impact statement:

I WAS asked to make a statement about how my life has been affected by the sexual abuse I went through at the hands of Patrick O’Dea. This is going to be one of the hardest things to do but I will try to express my ongoing pain as best I can.

A huge part of me knows that abuse is about having power and that part of me wants nothing more than to stand up here, look him in the eye and tell him he did not win, to say that despite his efforts my life has been fine, that I don’t think about what he did every day and try minimise the power he feels he has.

However, I cannot do that, simply because it is not the truth.

As much as I hate to admit it, the things he did to me brought and still does bring me to my knees. Although I stand here shaking, I also stand here ready for the first time as an adult to address him directly.

Wacker, there’s a lot of focus about the times you were there to find me at my most innocent and most vulnerable stage as a child, but these were far from the only times that you were there to bring me pain.

As a young child you manipulated my mind into believing that the disgusting things you did to me you did out of love. This forever messed with my mind and your warped version of love equals pain remained in my life long after you left it.

The physical pain that you put me through in that dark graveyard was terrifying. After using my small innocent body to satisfy your own needs you sent me home bleeding, sore, confused, ashamed, traumatised and sworn to secrecy.

You alienated me from friends telling me that they were all saying nasty things about me when my back was turned.

That night I said no, I was only a child and you were an adult man, you held me down against my will and taught me that what I wanted and didn’t want did not matter. You taught me that fighting back only made things worse.

I soon learnt to go along with it, to do what you ask, to zone out, close my eyes and pray that it’s over soon and I get to stop feeling the pain and disgust.

Now, 20 years later, I still don’t get to fully escape, I don’t get a choice about remembering cause my mind takes me there when I’m alone, when I close my eyes and try and fail to feel safe within myself.

Although rape is a physical assault, the worst damage that you did was not to my body but to my mind.

In order to get me to a place where I would keep your dirty secrets, you isolated me from the people I loved and got inside my mind in a way that I still don’t fully understand.

You alienated me from friends telling me that they were all saying nasty things about me when my back was turned.

You slowly but surely turned me against everyone that loved me and made me paranoid about their motives until the only person that I felt genuinely cared about me and the only person I could trust was you.

You cleverly told me about the times my parents confided in you about how disappointed in me they were.

You slowly but surely turned me against everyone that loved me and made me paranoid about their motives until the only person that I felt genuinely cared about me and the only person I could trust was you.

It took 28 years before therapy helped me see that this was all based on lies to manipulate, groom and isolate me so I would keep your secret and have nowhere to turn.

The effect on me caused a massive divide between me and my family, made me feel lonely, alone, paranoid and unable to trust people for many years.

I felt responsible for the disgusting things you did especially on occasions when I didn’t say no, I felt cheap, dirty and broken. I became a difficult teen who went on to move out of home early and have a teenage pregnancy.

I developed unhealthy relationships as you were my only teacher about the warped version of love that you had me believe was between us.

To this day I’m not sure I truly know what genuine love is because you got inside my mind and you messed it up.

The false care and protection I had from you gave me a huge sense of loyalty to you. This loyalty made me feel like what we had was never abuse but was an inappropriate relationship that was my fault.

I felt the horrible things you did I brought on myself. I have blamed and hated myself for as long as I can remember.

They say you are as sick as your secrets, and you made me very, very sick for a long time. Today I peel off that mask of a life only me and you know about, my voice may tremble but I stand here revealing our secrets that you had me carry and that I hated myself for.

How I wish I could see then what I see now. How I wish I could go back and give that paranoid frightened child a hug and tell her how loved she actually was and give her back the trust in her family and friends that you took away.

How I wish I told my mam and dad the truth, maybe then it would have stopped sooner, even one less disgusting memory of you would make life as I knew it easier.

They say you are as sick as your secrets, and you made me very, very sick for a long time. Today I peel off that mask of a life only me and you know about, my voice may tremble but I stand here revealing our secrets that you had me carry and that I hated myself for.

When it comes to self-hatred this is where most of the damage you did to me hurt me. You weren’t just there in a dark scary graveyard invading my body, you were also there in the mirror when I looked at myself.

I hated myself and the dirty person that you made me feel I was that nobody cared about.

You were there in my mind every time I took a blade to my body to hurt and cut myself hundreds of times to punish myself for the horrible person I became.

You were there in my mind when I thought saying no to anything sexual wasn’t even an option whether I wanted it or not.

You and memories of you were there in my mind for many years every time I closed my eyes. You were there between the sheets when my skin often crawled when my husband tried to be intimate.

If it wasn’t for you I would have been a better mum, a better wife, a better daughter, sister and friend. Instead, I am often the messed up, broken person that you made me, and there are still more days than not that I hate who I am.

When I did manage to overcome this, and try to be a normal woman and be intimate, you were there the following day when I felt like a dirty slut and felt unjustified anger against my husband.

The real me is warm and caring, but you gave me anger and hatred and sadness and fear and isolation and shame and guilt and loneliness. Today I give this back, as it belongs with you.

If it wasn’t for you I would have been a better mum, a better wife, a better daughter, sister and friend. Instead, I am often the messed up, broken person that you made me, and there are still more days than not that I hate who I am.

After years of feeling unwell I began to realise that the only real way to be out of pain and to stop dragging down the people I loved was to end it all.

You were there in my mind on the three occasions I slit my wrists and took tablet after tablet to try to die and finally let all this be over.

One of those times was in the graveyard where you raped me for the first time. I wanted all the pain to end where the pain began.

My sister found me eight hours later overdosed with slit wrists still in that graveyard praying for God to just take me and take the pain I was in.

I’m now 37, I have two failed marriages, I need antidepressants every day to help me function. Life has not turned out how I hoped, and you are the root cause of where it keeps going wrong.

You were there in my thoughts a year later when I jumped into the river, as I tried to drown myself along with the memories you had embedded in my brain. I wrote you a letter that day just before I jumped to say you win and I give up.

I’m now 37, I have two failed marriages, I need antidepressants every day to help me function. Life has not turned out how I hoped, and you are the root cause of where it keeps going wrong.

It is only in the past two years that I have learned that ending the pain is possible without ending my life.

That there is possibly a way of handing you back the guilt, the shame, the secrets, the self-hatred and distrust that should never have been mine to carry.

This has been a hard process in coming forward legally, from making statements that forced me to jog my memory about the detail of the disgusting events I spent years trying to forget, to many interviews with the guards, to rehashing the hurt for others involved, to speaking openly here in front of strangers, returning to the graveyard with the detective to pinpoint where it all happened, and then to face you here.

You had a choice to make that easier by admitting what you did but you added hurt to hurt by choosing not to.

You dragged me, my family, my kids, my heart and my mind through all of this again by not admitting what you did when you were first arrested. Instead I had to watch you claim you were innocent of all charges as if I was some sort of liar.

You continued to hurt me as if the hurt you caused me as a child wasn’t enough.

Despite standing here with my heart on my sleeve and admitting the affect you have had on me, let me be clear: you did not win.

Whacker, I stand here today and reluctantly give you your last bit of power by admitting that, yes, you did manage to tear me down and impact my life more than any other person I’ve ever known .

However, I do not just stand here as a victim, I stand as a survivor who is strong, kind and trying their very best to begin a life you held back from me for many years. I have three amazing kids I see every day.

I’m proud that, despite you, I survived the childhood trauma at your hand, I got 515 points in my Leaving Cert, worked hard, set up my own businesses and I remain an honest, loving person with integrity.

I have not and will not use you as a reason not to try my utmost to have the life I was entitled to without your abuse.

Some days I fail miserably with this and some days I succeed. I am beginning to finally try put this behind me and like who I am again.

I’m becoming the mother my kids deserve to have and my future is looking brighter.

So in a nut shell, despite standing here with my heart on my sleeve and admitting the affect you have had on me, let me be clear: you did not win.